Sunday, July 31, 2005

Just a Reminder

10:33 PM by Nicky Vegas

You'll NEVER find five cooler cats than

The Vegas Brothers!


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A Chicken Flavored Sucker?

5:52 PM by Nicky Vegas

Some things are just too disgusting to comprehend.

SoNnY likes to eat just about any type of candy. Put that candy on a stick and he's so THERE! I swear if you covered a thumbnail in chocolate and put it on a stick he'd eat the damned thing.

Anyway, he's been strutting around the trailer all freakin' week because he just bought a ton of the single most awful confection in the known universe, the Pollito Asado.

This is a sucker, shaped like a roasted chicken, that boasts to be chicken flavored. They certainly look intriguing. However they taste like crap. Imagine what a sweaty monkey would taste like if you filtered it through an old race horse and you'd still not come close to how disgusting these things taste!

I suppose I don't have to mention that, once consumed, after a couple of hours, they return in a gaseous form that would make Bigfoot eyes explode.

They certainly don't taste like chicken, which is odd since everything is supposed to taste like chicken. They've got some sort of pepper in these things and the texture is a little like candied sandpaper.

I'm hoping SoNnY leaves his guard down for a bit because we're all thinking of melting these things down pour the liquid down the drain. It will certainly ruin the plumbing in the Airstream, but that's a risk we're willing to take. Mom is dating an RV repairman this week anyways.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Myron Floren

2:23 PM by Nicky Vegas

Myron Floren died last night. We're all gonna miss ol' Myron.

Lance & I had a gig working Polkapalooza in Milwaukee some time back. No biggie.

Myron was the headliner which pissed us off something fierce. Lance was singing and I was there to spin some plates. We were also given an extra 10 bucks to keep Floren and Vlasta the Polka Queen away from each other. Apparently there was some bad history between those two. Something about gambling debts or whatever. All I know is that you should NEVER stiff an accordion player any cash. They're bloodthirsty bastards when it comes to the moolah!

Anyway, Lance had the dubious distinction of going on right before Myron and chose to do a rousing version of his classic song, "Welkie" (a parody of "Mickey"). Floren took offense to the line, "Oh Welkie, what a pity I don't understand how your show survived with Floren & his band." Freakin' primadonna!

Myron burst onto the stage and jerked the microphone out of Lance's hand. He stiff-armed Lance off the stage and screamed, "You Vegas Brothers will never work again! After I get through with you, you'll be lucky to work between strippers at Beansnappers! Do you know who I am? I'm Myron @#&$in Floren, by GOD!"

We got him back though. After the show we snuck back into the theatre and put about 5 cans of sneezing & itching powder into the bellows of his accordion. The next day, nearly 15,000 people, including Floren, had to be rushed to the hospital. It was a real tragedy, seeing that many people turn out for a polka festival. To this day people still get sick when they hear polka music.

As a side note, The Vegas Brothers did in fact get to work "between strippers" at Beansnappers. Let me say, as Myron said, we were in fact VERY LUCKY!

Rest in Peace, dear friend. You were loved by millions!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Beam Me Up, Scotty

7:10 PM by Nicky Vegas

Yeah, it's with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of James "Scotty" Doohan. He was 85 years old and was one hard-working actor.

I have no proof of this, but there is a very good chance that he, rather unknowingly, was the father of our youngest brother, SoNnY. It would explain his strange obsessions with Star Trek and alcohol.

I remember hearing Shecky tell me that he met Doohan after a one-nighter in Atlantic City. He saw the guy at the bar of the Caesers Palace and decided to drop off a head shot and resumé to the guy, hoping to score a gig as Gay Klingon #42 in "Star Trek VIII, The Unnecessary Sequel" . Doohan used Shecky's photo as a coaster and offered to buy him a drink.

When Doohan asked Shecky what he wanted to drink, Shecky simply pointed to a bottle of Jim Beam and yelled, "Beam me up, Scotty". Immediately afterwards Doohan crushed my brother's nose with an ashtray and left.

He'll be missed by at least four of The Vegas Brothers.

Monday, July 18, 2005

You Pay What We Pay

9:19 PM by Nicky Vegas

That's all the rage these days, giving the common man the employee discount on the purchase of new cars. It all started with GM. See, those guys lost BILLIONS of dollars last quarter because they passed on the Hybrid technology and made cars so darned big you could put a Suburban in the back seat of your Hummer. Anyway, they needed a boost in sales and they came up with this concept.

OK, I don't need a new car. My Yugo still works just fine. But I did a little research on this thing and after seeing what the big discount is per car, I've come to a conclusion.

Being a GM employee must suck royal donkey meat!

I'll just assume they're not REALLY giving you the employee price, cuz I can't see working for a company where the employee discount is so lame.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Fans & Students of Comedy UNITE! AMC Bans "The Aristocrats"

1:52 PM by Nicky Vegas

I won't bother with a long post, mostly because Penn didn't ask any of The Vegas Brothers to tell our own version of the joke and we're still bitter about it. However, any lovers of comedy or students of the art should be able to se the film "The Aristocrats" even without the genius of The Vegas Brothers.

Check out this post by friend and ultra-hack, I mean HIP comedian, Andy Martello and learn more about the story and what you can do to bring this film to your home town.

Personally, I think this is all a clever publicity stunt for the film. Penn Jillette is one crafty bastard and I could see trying to orchestrate the banning in order to generate interest in the dirty film. Mysteriously the theatres will decide to run the flick and BOOM - record numbers at the box office. Regardless, check it out and do what you can to make this film hit your town.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Grilling Doesn't Make a Damn Thing More Portable!

1:53 AM by Nicky Vegas

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, just listen carefully to the commercials for the newest craptacular menu item in the Taco Bell Universe. They claim that this little treat is, "grilled for MAXIMUM portability!"

When you are on the road as much as I am (working and avoiding...uh...problems) you get a lot of time to think about the stuff that is wrong with the world. Currently, Taco Bell is what's wrong.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Lance & Nicky Vegas ROCK!

12:47 PM by Nicky Vegas

Last night's show at Brandon Casey's was most excellent! Everyone loved The Vegas Brothers. Well, they loved Lance & me the most. It was kinda like the other three brothers weren't even there. ;)

Maybe if I can get this equipment to work I'll post some stills from the show or something.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Stalkers Unite! We Have the Info for July 8th!

11:08 AM by Nicky Vegas

Drop your weenies and grab your martinis! The Vegas Brothers are heading out to BRADLEY, ILLINOIS on July 8th, 2005.

Here are the details.

Brandon Casey's
235 N. Kinzie Ave
Bradley, IL.

8:00 PM show

Friday, July 01, 2005

We're Performing SOMEWHERE July 8th

7:47 PM by Nicky Vegas

I'd like to be able to tell you where. I'd like to tell you what time. I'd like to tell you how much the cover charge is gonna be. I can't do any of those things. Lance won't come out of his trailer and he's the guy with all the info. Maybe you should e-mail Lance and bug him about where the gig is gonna be.

So...if you're in Bradley, IL on July 8th, 2005, go wherever they have comedy/variety shows and look for The Vegas Brothers. We'll be there at some location, performing sometime during the day...or evening.

Carry on.

Oh yeah, if he's feeling up to it, this will mark the grand return of Mr. Bobby Vegas to the stage. I hope we can better promote this mutha before then. I'm sure he'd like that.